I didn’t think this will come so soon…
I graduated four-year university in this Fall of 2016, but that didn’t really hit me. As school ended, I was entering into winter break mode like any other student would be (… as if I am still a student…). Also, since I did apply to a graduate school, I was still in a hope that this student lifestyle will continue for another six years or so. But recently, I received a response from graduate school with rejection notification.
I kind of expected it, since it’s only 5% acceptance rate. Meaning only 15 slots are open out of 400 applicants that apply. In truth, I wasn’t sad about the rejection, but I was more scared that I was not going to be a student anymore. I was scared that my plan wasn’t going to happen; that I have to rediscover my goal/passion and what I wanted to do with my life. You would think that going to college for four and a half year would build who I am and I would be more determined to what I want to do with my life since that is typically why you would pursue a certain degree to become an expert in such subject… but I think this story will be for another time… But, anyways, that was my concern.
So, if I’m not going to be a student, guess what I will be?… Yup, you guessed it, I have to now enter into the real world as a responsible adult facing the burden to earn money to pay for tax, student loan, living cost, bills, etc. As an immigrant, who is fighting for the American Dream, I didn’t want to just end up working to pay for bills. With such lack of motivation and clueless on my life path, I felt worthless. I just didn’t want to end up going back home to my parent’s house after graduating. That was just one of my stubborn determination that I had.
With the real question of determining if I can be independent and face this scary real world or I should go home to my parent’s house to be under their wing, that was one of the hardest decision makings I did. At one point, I was thinking about backpacking to a different country to run away from this reality for three months or so, and call it “graduation gift to myself”. But one of my close friends reminded me of who I am. A person who does not let society determine happiness or satisfaction, and does anything to protect self-dignity. I almost lost my sight of what kind of person I am to the society where it eats you alive, and turn you into part of this world as not as a unique individual but as a person who is invisible and be that “any other person”.
Sometimes, when a chapter of one’s life ends, there’s another pathway ready to go. Like for example, after I graduated high school my next path was to go to the 4-year university since I was accepted. But sometimes, the path is not so visible or something else other than what you planned. And this journey into this real world seems endless. And I think that’s how it’s going to be… But you know what, I’m not going to let such attitude and perspective destroy me. Instead, I am going to find a job that I’m going to be challenged and make me feel valued. I worked in multiple fields, and one of the factors that persuaded my happiness in life is how you value yourself in work setting and how employers value your work. I want to find a job that I can have a two-way street relationship. It may seem like a small dream to have, but I know that’s just a start of my journey into this real world.